Standing While Peeing

If there was anything that I wish I could do, it would be standing while peeing.

Now…don’t get me wrong. I really like being a woman. There’s alot of spiffs to my gender. I like it that guys buy me beer. I like having doors opened for me. I like multiple orgasms. I like wearing dresses.

BUT…I dislike having to hover over a toilet laden with human-processed-beer (aka pee) or the splish-splooshes from flushing. It’s pretty gross. I remember as a little girl, my mom taking me into a public bathroom and getting in the stall with me. She would tell me to never sit on the seat because I could catch something from the toilet. Then she would lift me up, put me feet on the toilet seat, keep holding me as I dropped my drawers, and then she would instruct me to squat.

Did I ever mention my mom is from Thailand?

Maybe I should decorate it...?

Maybe I should decorate it…?

So when I moved to Denver, my boyfriend at that time bought me this amazingly simple device that I just don’t use enough. It’s basically a dainty funnel so I can pee while standing. It’s awesome. There is one catch to it: I never thought I’d go through a power trip just by using it.

Seriously.

There’s something oddly empowering about not having to sit, squat, or hover in order to relieve one’s bladder. There’s the added empowerment of not having to drop your panties to pee. It’s really quite amazing the freedom that I obtained by having such a simple device. I can pee almost anywhere just like a guy!!

Don’t feel like trying to balance your 40lb backpack in order to squat out in the woods?

Feel wonky about using the port-o-potties at Burning Man?

Got the gas station bathroom blues?

Just feel like standing and peeing when you’re at home?

Then THIS is the item for you!!

I’ve heard of groups of mountaineering women who get together and have parties to decorate this wonder of the modern world. I’ve talked to women who have drilled a small hole on the back of it to attach a small carabiner so it can be easily accessible on their packs.  I’ve stood near boyfriends and peed standing up with them, as they look on with curiosity and astonishment.

From using it, I think I have a slightly better understanding why men do what they do with their junk. There’s always been a fascination for me around penises and it’s not on a sexual level. Well…there’s that too…but that’s not what I’m talking about right now. What does it feel like to have one?  To have something dangling between your legs all the time? To have sensations on the outside instead of the inside? Does it feel more comforting to have it swaying in boxers or snug in a pair of tighty whities? Does it get in the way alot? I saw something about this guy who was doing shadow puppets with his…wouldn’t that hurt or even get you aroused? Does it feel better to have warmth or cool on it? How hard is it to tuck it?

The questions go on…

But the biggest question was always: What’s it feel like to pee while standing?

Thank you Freshette for answering my question by giving me the means to experience it first hand.

P.S. I love the directions. “…with your back to the wind.”

Screen shot 2013-07-25 at 10.20.05 AM

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