Hypnagogia

Somedays I’m so tired that as I’m falling into bed, it feels like I’m falling into his arms. Perhaps a certain level of exhaustion does that to the human brain; makes it believe it’s in a different reality. Why it would do that, I’m not sure. Maybe so the transition to sleep after a hard day is seamless…to help let go…

…let go.

….I’m…

………..I’m…..

…I’m so safe inside his arms. So safe…

The world just disappears with one blink. In one blink, I’m inside his arms and safe. I could swear that I feel his warm breath on my neck. His fingers, ever so gingerly, toy with strands of my dark hair before sweeping them off my face. The sweetest of sweet kisses graces my cheek, just next to my ear. A sigh mixed with love, adoration, and relief escapes my body. In all my exhaustion, I somehow muster the strength to turn over to see him.

His beautiful face…it makes my heart swell to the point of overflowing. I’ve traced the lines of that face in my mind a thousand times just this week alone. Every time my lips touch his brow…cheek…jawline…nose…kisses deposited to the bank of my heart’s desire. I could never stop doing this. I never want to stop. Nothing matters if I can not lay even the smallest of kisses upon his beautiful face.

With a kiss comes the scent of him and his day: sunshine and mountains, coffeehouse meetings, running downtown to meet friends for a beer, or just farting around the house all day. All the things my day was not. He knows how tired I am. A chaste kiss on the lips is the unspoken voice that says to me:

“My love, it’s time to sleep. Tomorrow is another day and I’ll be here when you wake.”

As if I’m a rag doll, I find myself flipped over easily with strong arms and legs wrapped around me, nose nuzzled against my ear.

And I’m safe again. Happy to be in his arms. Wishing it could always be like this. If only I could hold onto this…

…If only…

……….If only….it were real…

Maybe this happens to me in waking dreams when I am exhausted so I do not fight the hope that burns inside me of what could be.

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