“My dad left home when I was eight. You know what he said to me? Have fun, stay single. I was eight.” ~Steve from Singles
In 1992 when Singles hit movie theatres, I was a junior in high school. It’s still in my top 10 of movies I like to watch because I am a hopeful romantic and sometimes nostalgic as all hell. Pearl Jam holds a special place in my heart along with Mother Love Bone, singing the angst that many teenagers felt at that time. I wish I could take the teenage me aside and tell her all the things I’ve learned since:
- Sex does not equal love. Sex is sex. Even if it’s mind-blowing it’s still just sex.
- Don’t let go of you in a relationship. Nurture yourself and if the other person wants you to change, then they probably don’t have a clue who you actually are. And by change, I mean the person you are at the core. Everything else is just a habit that you can choose to change or not.
- Communicate! Ask the hard questions and have the difficult discussions. Don’t hold it all in until you explode. That does no one any favors.
- Recognize that we all change and if the person you love is growing away from you, SAY SOMETHING! Making the other person and yourself aware and mindful of what’s happening can actually save the relationship.
- Good men are far and few, especially as you get older because you get pickier about what you actually want. Dating gets boring and tedious. At this point, I’d rather just hang out, find out what actually makes the man of my desires tick, and hope that on a random night of mischief and fun he gets the moxie after a few drinks to actually kiss me.
- Be patient. Very patient.
Being single is nice…I get to work on my career, read books, hang out with friends, chase after my crazy ideas of travel and hobbies, figure out my own weird little psyche, watch movies that reinforce my hopeful romantic ways, ride my bike everywhere and anywhere…it’s a pretty good life.
There are days I miss having a partner in crime. Someone to play with. Someone to love. Someone that can be balls to the wall fun and the next day spend it cuddling on the couch, watching movies or reading separate books or getting work done. I actually miss checking in with the other person about our social lives and where and when do we need to be somewhere or not. I miss looking across the room at my sweetie and melting a bit on the inside, especially when he notices I’m looking. I miss wanting to do little things to brighten his day. I miss watching him sleep and memorizing the lines and curves of his face. I miss wanting nothing more than to kiss his eye lids and snuggle my nose behind his ear so I can breathe him in. I miss meeting his parents and siblings (weird, I know). I miss the very specific give and receive that only happens in a loving relationship with someone who is your friend and lover.
I miss planning adventures with my heart’s desire.
That doesn’t mean I’m going to settle for just anyone because I feel a twinge of loneliness every so often. My yeti, Nino, Largeman, Mr. E. Edward Grey…He’s out there somewhere. Maybe he’s patiently waiting for me to walk into his brewery, his favorite bar, pass him on the bike path or in the airport, or even for a mutual friend to introduce us. Maybe we already know each other but the timing isn’t right just yet. Maybe I’m just waiting for him to get divorced so he can start his life over again. Maybe he’s being chased by natives in the Congo for an old relic he took for archaeological study…
…so what if I fell in love with Indiana Jones as a kid?
I guess that’s my never-ending trend of my so-called ideal man.
- Indiana Jones
- Han Solo
- Capt Jean-Luc Picard
- Doctor Who (David Tennant…Oh, how I love thee)
Intelligent, charismatic travelers that have adventures. Renaissance men.
Because smart and playful are super sexy!
It used to be that I was waiting for my Doctor Who to show up and ask me to jump in his Tardis. After so much dating, perhaps I’m Doctor Who and instead of looking for a companion, I’m actually looking for another timelord. Or Rose…she was a bad ass!
SO, Mr Could-Be-Right, I challenge you to come out and play with me. Ride bikes with me. Climb trees. Tie a good one on some random night with me. Watch movies with me. Go backpacking through a national park with me. Let’s hit the symphony or check out the new exhibits at the art museum. Come to a kegger and play beer pong. Go to a lecture with me. Cuddle with me. Come out dancing. Make dinner with me. Inspire me.
In return, I’ll match your enthusiasm and go play with you on your turf.
I dare you….
I double dog dare you.
P.S. I love flowers, even if it’s stolen a dandelion off someone’s yard.